becca is simply lost.

what an understatement.

it's a life.

it's independence.

but i wasn't wired to work this way.

self sufficient yes.

alone no.

it's not that i'm not grateful.

because i am.

i just don't understand.

why it has to be like this now.

tossed aside by the old.

pushing away the new.

wont that always be the problem.

it's the first signs of us all moving on.

growing up.

and seemingly away.

you aren't here.

i'm not there.

it's not exactly what i hoped.

when i came here.

so why would i want to go further?

there was a purpose.

i have to believe that there still is.

because in the end.

all you can count on.

is you.

but i don't know me.

she's bitchy.

moody. cranky. crazy.

young, self deprecating, hateful.

empathetic, overanxious, hovering.

i can't seem to be the one.

i can't seem to get where i need to be.

why does it continue then?

i can't stand without wanting to fall.

i can't move without knowing i'm wrong.

i'd rather just make the mistakes right here right now.

than actually have to make choices later.

you keep saying i'll save.

but who will save me?

such self-pity.

how annoying.

back. forward. back.

it's all a dance.

but there's no partner.

your just facing the mirror.

with nothing more to look at than your reflection.

i can't say i like it.

in style.

in grace. in poise. in love. in anything.

it's fallen. broken. gone.

and i don't know when i will ever get it back.

in the meantime.

i'll keep apologizing.

and bottling.

and not one of us will talk about it.