cringe of orange.

i miss the old format.

maybe i've lost it.

blog wars.

oh, bring it!

hah.

i love you!

even if all you will say is thank you.

morning secrets.

always great.

day of writing and work.

and potomac scenes.

and people whirling around.

i just want to bake cookies.

and leave them in the quiet room.

with a note that says 'enjoy'

i may just do such thing.

oh crap there is a lot to do today.

i've just remembered it.

wheres my phone?

oh, im talking on it.

early mornings.

that's not a great sign.

shoes with bows.

last good day.

that i can remember.

bagel and coffee.

delicious fudge.

cut away.

90s tunes.

they brighten my day.

choose your direction.

and stick to it.

maybe i should do that.

aching wrists.

dark reflection.

i miss the days.

of thick black velvet.

and leopard prints.

and saddle pants.

and jellies.

and everything else.

i've traded it all in.

for something hopefully.

more appropriate.

i live in this space now.

its my corner.

of the world.

ive paid a hefty price for it.

but it was all worth it.

professor from hell.

ugh.

your still on my mind.

i better get to.

and by the way,

they speak a lot of languages in the scandinavia region.

wiki-enlightenment.

how fun.

setting shop in a new paradise.

it's been a week.

i apologize.

"new directions."

still perplexing me.

you did just fine.

and we are better for it.

walk along the cold bridge.

and look at the sights from afar.

board the subway.

i just want to ride away on the steal carriage.

to nowhere.

and see beautiful things.

on the way.

oh, its my stop.

unexpected to be so soon.

and disappointing.

this is not the right museum.

there shouldn't be dinosaurs.

wrong rotunda.

hah.

trek to the right building.

this is a great track.

its from the 70s.

you say.

modern lives.

and expression.

you've seen the pictures.

the tower.

how ominous.

cherry blossom delights.

and bums under bridges.

its a raw juxtaposition.

i still want to help you.

and everyone else.

but i dont know how.

moving on.

the week was lovely.

and i ignored most of it.

work and more so.

visiting profs and the like.

i need to remember all this.

small white lights.

and twinkling dreams of darkness.

i've found my new place.

green strips and open windows.

and my own place to sit and be.

it's quite lovely.

you would enjoy it too.

this is getting lengthy.

letting go of your advice.

it wasn't helpful in the least.

and i resent you for it.

let me count the ways.

i can't do math. is that really the best you've got?

i guess all that your willing to admit anyway.

i'm more forthright.

i think. so anyway.

you read into this what you like.

i will be just here.

unpleasant/pleasant its really up to me.

i like talking about you.

listening to all these new tunes.

it puts me in a new mood.

working furiously and lovely.

spring hope.

and washing towers.

of fear.

i can't wait to be there.

and i'll miss this.

change inevitably will set in.

and i'm tired of being so passive.

a cape in a field of ponchos.

i want to save the world.

and i haven't the faintest idea how to do so.

there are so many possibilities.

i'm tired of being on the sidelines.

i want to get in the game.

metaphorically of course.

i know. i know.

you've heard that all before.

but here's something new.

i'm over the bullshit.

and the self pity.

and the wasted time.

and the lack of drive.

and passion.

and everything else.

i don't want to spend it like this.

it's not right.

and yes, not good is not right.

i want to join the fight.

and take up a flag.

i don't want to take your advice.

or your medicine any more.

i'm tired.

need to grow up.

and accept the responsibility.

i think i have this.

for a reason.

i will do something.

it will be grand.

even in its own small way.

i can't help but do so.

i just want to run away.

and get my hands dirty.

and take you with me.

don't think of it as religious.

just think of it as moralizing.

secluded for now.

and relatively free in mind.

i shall let it go.

all of you.

and there will be a new mantra.

something that was from long ago.

enough.

number 9. number 9. number 9.

oh god.

its a nightmare.

liberal.

turned conservative now.

it was unavoidable.

confuse me.

with your words.

and numbers.

and blur the art.

together in my mind.

exhaustive.

90s fashion.

i wish it were still around.

i don't remember this song.

it's beautiful.

i just want to cry.

at everything.

everything.

it's really that simple.

thank you for leaving me alone.

aloe love.

confusing speech.

and mumbling of something or another.

brutal confrontation.

you have no right to say these things.

it was just way too conflictual.

and changed.

ive lost my confrontation streak.

it's like inner hate now.

your ignorance is blinding.

and you don't get it.

i don't want what you think i do.

i really don't.

your focus is too corrupted.

for who you are supposed to be.

talk talk talk.

and make me feel worse.

it's not what i need.

when did morals go out of fashion?

why am i expected to be without?

it doesn't make sense.

you need to just leave me be.

run ins.

and false hellos.

i'm disappointed in your actions.

and that makes me upset.

rip sabrina.

your life was short.

and your death unfair.

you were a beauty.

i just want to cry.

like there is no tomorrow.

only that can't come fast enough.

you are so becca!

i apologize.

for the infrequency.

of my response.

it's hard to be inspired.

beatles tunes.

blend together.

abbey road dreams.

let me tell you your future.

the immediate one at least.

i dont feel like using some vivid imagery.

id rather be plain and ordinary.

if you dont mind.

happy belated 21st to the bff.

we actually celebrated in real life.

but this is the virtual one.

kite flying.

blow bubbles and balloons.

steal the life.

from the wind.

we will laugh about this.

birthday hats.

and garters.

i prefer all the regular chat.

not what you mistake as entertainment.

nice to meet you.

flying again.

red marks of stress.

oh how the world works.

you need to leave my space.

because i have none.

happy places.

now.

jump rope.

and familiar tunes.

i found accompaniment.

sneak around.

and tiptoe your way.

through life.

its not the way to go.

polythene pam is my hero.

swirl in the store.

and jump out the door.

that seemed unfinished.

i like it.

virgin mary on peas

okay.

i think i have enough energy.

to get this all out.

its not something new.

thats for sure.

just ever more apparent.

when did all the focus go haywire?

your speech is not acceptable.

or appropriate in the least.

maybe im just too much a child of political correctness.

but that disturbs me.

you are not entitled to the usage.

and while im there.

why are we so obsessed?

so corrupted.

i feel a major degradation.

of personal morals.

and i'm not exempt.

from the cultural phenomenon.

but really.

how do you look in the mirror?

and accept the reflection.

i really want to know.

how do you feel fine?

i'm not preaching.

in any way.

because its your life.

but i miss real conversation.

and comfortable simplicity.

i feel quite freely about things.

but theres a line.

which has been fuzzed.

such diction.

and arrogance.

i wonder what your hiding.

i know what i am.

but thats not for you.

its just not fair.

what we've done to ourselves.

that's just my opinion.

i know you have your own.

im not going to appease you.

with my thoughts and words.

because ive done it for far too long.

in other news.

a higher dose.

and a rush of endorphins.

lets climb and cycle forever.

trips to the happy place.

of sweat and white towels.

its a new kind of oasis.

its the unchangeable voice.

of unreason.

it thats even a word.

everything comes together.

and shares.

tears and comfort.

laughter and hate.

its a mutual understanding.

like hot fudge.

and ice cream.

let me out.

i wanna let go.

but i can't.

or maybe its won't.

either way...

shiny heels.

and fluttering ruffles.

its plastic therapy.

in my closet.

remember the old days.

not to say they were glorious.

but better.

we didn't know better.

take your seats.

the show is about to start.

part of one.

and multiple.

all at once.

strawberry goodness.

and repeated drama.

you don't know the position you are in.

morning nerves.

and lightheadedness.

inching towards.

of course the grand gesture was set.

long ago.

this is just fluff.

it's my fault.

isn't it?

i don't know what to think...

about your words.

they are uncertain.

and contradictory.

to these actions of yours.

playing with fire.

and brimstone.

hah.

leave it behind.

and get ready for the jetway.