addicted to the zen.

hey hey mama.

hah.

i wish i were happier.

i think i actually am.

it's just the mundane and the you that brings me down.

i hate complications.

can't we just be chill.

i know i've been compromising my morals.

but maybe this is just how society works now.

i can still be a traditionalist.

in other ways.

not everything revolves around the three letter word.

so why do we have these fights.

or tiffs.

i've never let anyone limit me like this before.

so why am i now?

who knows.

i should probably figure that one out.

and fast.

if you proceed.

why can't i spell anymore?

the smell of your tea makes me happy.

my comfy blanket makes me happy.

being in your bed makes me happy.

being in my own warm comfy room makes me happy.

watching tbs makes me happy.

i want to go to the little red barn.

i want to watch a random indie flick at g-ma's.

maybe i should buy american teen for the occasion.

OMG that would be the greatest thing.

even better than last time.

i want a Christmas tree.

with all the trimmings.

and i want the family to be itself.

but more functional.

i want to go home to somewhere that doesn't exist.

i want to do the right thing.

after i figure out what that is exactly.

i wonder what you think of me now.

you must still love me.

but really what are your thoughts?

i kind of want to know.

i've never been able to be as rigid as you.

or maybe all my emotional stagnation is finally kicking in.

i think it's time to get off the pills.

stop being a popper.

theres a stigma attached.

but its not that.

its for me.

i've much more important things to accomplish.

then these petty arguments.

and dealings.

i can't wait for the future.

wandering fate.

oh how eternal it seems.