i'm not gonna lie.

lets be honest

you disapprove.

you are kinda disappointed.

or maybe you just aren't at all.

i really try not to care.

i don't have my own identity here.

do i really anywhere?

all i can think about.

it really shouldn't be like this after so long.

i will make it up somehow.

i have thoughts.

of options which i dont wish to be explored.

its just the feeling.

the situation that i yearn for.

and yet the other that i dread the most.

anticipation is a trap.

and i just wish i could get it over with.

and just have the life already.

there is so much inside.

that i will never tell you.

because you won't agree.

you just won't understand.

and you don't get it. obviously.

do i wish you would though?

i'm really not all that sure.

you make me feel uneasy.

we are not great friends.

were we ever?

when did this all occur?

i need some time away.

just to stop listening to the whirlwind.

of words and color.

we have such different backgrounds.

and thoughts.

and beliefs.

and values.

and i dont see how they mesh.

but im not discounting you for it.

but then again i am.

so good.

we are in agreement.

i really should just stop this neuroticism.

its not doing me any good.

i hope one day it actually will.